This is especially when one person has a lower tolerance for dirt and disorder than the other individual. Having defined duties before moving in can spare many fights. Also, talking about the issue ensures that different perceptions of who does the most work will not arise: traditionally, men believe that they do more chores while women say men do less. A National Department of Labor study found that "based on reports from 21,000 people on their activities during an average day last year…employed women averaged about an hour more per day on housework than did employed men" ("Working women do more chores than men," 2010, NBC).
Step 4: Recognize it's no longer just your space -- even if that was once the case
When one person moves into the other person's space, whether an apartment or a house, he or she is moving into another person's territory. (When two individuals move into a new space, the relationship may be more equitable). Redefining the laws of the space is essential -- how much discretion does the 'new' inhabitant have in redecorating? How easy will it be for the other person to concede storage space? The rules of the relationship may change, given the new living situation. Communal sharing or equality may have characterized the relationship before cohabitation, but a more authoritarian style may begin to dominate, if the partners find themselves imitating their parent's behavior, for example, when living together and negotiating cleaning and decorating (Gilovich, 2010). Also, the issue of finances may arise when negotiating an equitable relationship -- if one partner makes more money, he or she may demand greater discretion over how it is spent, which can be a source of conflict.
Step 5: Ask yourself -- what is your attachment style?
Are you avoidant by nature? Do you need your space? Or do you get anxious if your partner stares at a television program and doesn't pay attention to you? One partner may feel upset if the other is more introverted and needs time to...
Each partner's level of introversion or extroversion will become more obvious when living together: while it is easy to cover up the fact that you need a good half hour of silence in the morning before being willing to face the day, it is impossible to conceal this fact when living with someone!
Discussion: Love means saying you're sorry, or at least putting aside the fact that you're mad
You may fight about how the other person never listens to you now -- but once you live together, your partner's refusal to listen may have more material consequences. The seriousness of forgetting to tell you he agreed that the two of you would go to dinner at another couple's house or that she bought a new car increases the chances of interpersonal conflicts. Couples often fight more about money, chores, whose fault it is that something broke, and other items crucial to one another's creature comforts. These become the source of discord more than the abstract relationship issues that obsess twenty-somethings. A relationship needs to be strong to survive the challenges of home ownership or renting an apartment together, as well as the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune.
References
Connolly, Sherrl. (2010, March 3). Living together does not significantly raise a couple's likelihood of divorce. The New York Daily News. March 3, 2010.
Retrieved April 19, 2010.
http://www.nydailynews.com/lifestyle/weddings/2010/03/03/2010-03-03_living_together_before_marriage_doesnt_significantly_raise_likelihood_of_divorce.html#ixzz0lXugFn3B
Gilovich, Thomas, Dascher Keltner, & Richard E. Nisbett. (2010) Social psychology. Chapter 4.
W.W. Norton. Retrieved April 19, 2010.
http://www.wwnorton.com/college/psych/socialpsych/reviews/ch04.asp
Working women do more chores than men. (2004). MSNBC. Retrieved April 19, 2010.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/6011245/
